"What's your age?" She was 20-something, statuesque, and gorgeous. 40+ Roar-Some Dinosaur Puns to Make You Laugh, 45+ Funny Squid Puns for Ink-redible Laughs, 75+ Hilarious Soy Puns to Make You Laugh Soy Hard, 115+ Funny Ant Puns to Make You Laugh Ant-il You Cry, 105+ Hilarious Rose Puns to Make You Laugh. We recommend our users to update the browser. "Cool, Grandma!" A. The first lady says, Look at that. Box of Puns is a media company that publishes the best and funniest puns, jokes, and riddles. Shes only in her 40s, but my friend Mary has bounced back from cancer, heart problems, even a stroke. When I was five, I looked down at the crayons I was coloring with and sighedwhen I was two, this is not what I saw myself doing at five. "What are you doing?" Astonished, the wide-eyed little boy cried, "You're a kid?". She sat there without being noticed by anyone in our rich suburban neighborhood. Feeling down about my thinning hair, I told a friend, Soon Ill never need to go back to the beauty salon. You see this young lad walks out of a store and sees an elderly man sitting on a bench crying. Now you won't have to worry about cramps when you go for a swim. Then another prisoner stands and Its hard to be nostalgic when you cant remember anything. They even have their own vocabulary: BFF: Best Friend Fainted BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth CBM: Covered by Medicare FWB: Friend with Just as she was celebrating her 80th birthday, our friend received a jury-duty notice. M., via rd.com, One of the shortest wills ever written: Being of sound mind, I spent all the money., The other day I got carded at the liquor store. At least in the old days, like in West Side Story, the gangs used to dance with each other first. Ill ask my wife. He got up, walked into the hallway where his wife was sitting, and shouted, Hey, the doctor wants to know if we still have sex. "Of course." "Absolutely." My father shrugged. For the second wish, the old lady asked to be richest woman in the world. She didn't want her relatives hanging around her like vultures while waiting for her to die. 13. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes. Please provide your email address and we will send your password shortly. I tell myself I'm not getting older but it refuses to listen. Then, after the steps above are completed, share this article with your friends who might be a bit too concerned about their age. 2. Or as I call them now, the '90s version of a purity ring. Is it illegal when you're over 60?!?!" That's what my great-grandmother did. Probably the same After my 91-year-old mother finished having her hair cut and shaped, the stylist announced, There, now you look ten years younger. Please feel to send me your suggestions and feedback through the contact form. "Just as she was celebrating her 80th birthday, our friend received a jury-duty notice. When I was 50, I paid for it. "You mean I have to look at this for the next four years?" The grandmother picked up one of the ducks and then set it down on the middle shelf. Anyone can write on Bored Panda. "Of course we do," the pharmacist replies. Its taped under the modem, I told him. "My husband was bending over to tie my three-year-old's shoes. I got carded at the bar. "Mr. Smith, youre in great shape," says the doctor afterward. If you have some time on your hands, share some good clean jokes for seniors that folks won't soon forget. Robin Williams. I asked, "or 5,000?" Youre getting old when your wife gives up sex for Lent, and you dont know till the 4th of July. While out for a stroll to discuss the wedding they pass a drugstore. "Maybe this will help," he said. 34. One day she brought with her a whole bun of fresh bread just to feed her daily company. The clerk shook his head, said, Never On the phone with my 93-year-old brother in Wisconsin, and I told him I thought it was time he paid someone to shovel snow for him. She studied at the University of Westminster, where she got her Bachelor's degree in Contemporary Media Practice. she asked. Margaret Deland. Why am I getting older and wider instead of wiser? I think this is the year you should start lying about your age. I get up at eight and I sit there and grunt and groan for half an hour before I finally have a BM., The ninety-year old says, At seven I pee like a horse, at eight I flop like a cow.. Why did Bobs wife get frustrated after he retired? She leaned across to her husband and whispered, Ive just let go a silent fart. Why do seagulls fly over the "You should never ask an adults age," I broke in. He suddenly grew indignant. ", John is out with his friends and stops by his grandmother's house for a visit. 2023 Box of Puns. One of them shouted, "Kathy, you got your braces off!". "So am I, let's all go and have a cup of tea", said the third. How about my misspent youth, joked my husband. we asked. Yes, says Sally, A lock of my husbands hair. But Larrys still alive. I know, but his hair is gone., "Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly neighbor and his wife were told there would be a 45-minute wait for a table. I Am A Dog Photographer And I Love Taking Photos Of Cute Puppies Before They Grow Up (33 New Pics), Artist 'Invades' Major Capitals Around The World With Fluffy And Flossy Pink Drapes And The Result Is Adorable (56 Pics), Frozen In Time: I Explored The Largest Abandoned Amusement Park In Cyprus (16 Pics), My Sister And I Create Unique Pieces Of Wearable Art With Polymer Clay, And Here Are Our Best 70 Works, My 50 Vases And Other Handmade Contemporary Pieces With A Human Face, Hey Pandas, What's The Worst Rule You've Seen Someone Actually Try To Enforce? Why did grandma put wheels on her rocking chair? "When a woman called 911 complaining of difficulty breathing, my husband, Glenn, and his partnerboth EMTsrushed to her home. WebA diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age. I like to say "balding" because it sounds more productive. "In four years it'll look good to you.". The older man started to tilt slowly to the right. At age 70, my grandfather bought his first riding lawn mower. Walking over to his wife, he presented her with a plate of bacon and eggs. What, what did he say? said the little old lady. The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. Pastry chefs know that old age crepes up on you. When they're ready to leave, his friends say, "Nice to meet you, ma'am, and thank you for the peanuts." As I was taking out my ID, my Blockbuster card fell out. While out for a stroll to discuss the wedding they pass a drugstore. 20. What do you think I should do?, He said, I think you should get fresh batteries for your hearing aid., By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, hes too old to go anywhere. Billy Crystal. Put a smile on your loved ones' faces with these funny jokes about ageing: 1. The day after visiting a fair, my wife was in agony. A week after John bought a bull, he complained to his friend, All that bull does is eat grass. Poor Old fool, thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. Ever since I lost my dentures, all I can do is suck the chocolate off of them.". They sit down and after a while Mary says: "How foolish of me! "I'm fifty. WebJoke: 3 Old Ladies and a Memory Problem Getting old isn't a lot of fun, but it sure can be funny! "Oh," said Mom, horrified. I dont know, he said. The old man replied, Youre the eighth.. Fight boredom with iPhones and iPads here. WebOld Folks My new excuse! The first is your loss of memory, the other two I forget. Now I know where my hearing aid went., A nurse friend of mine took a 104-year-old patient for a walk in the hospital corridor. Whats a hipster? asked my four-year-old cousin. When they're ready to leave, his friends say, "Nice to meet you, ma'am, and thank you for the peanuts." Then he began to gather her information. Employee They Disrespected, I Used AI To See What These 30 Popular Cartoon Characters Would Look Like In Real Life, And Here's The Result (New Pics), People Are Roasting Airbnb For Getting Completely Out Of Hand, Here Are 30 Of The Most Savage Tweets, 30 Stunning Photographs Of Bangladeshi People By This Photographer (New Pics), See Popular Sneakers In Gigantic Forms Composed Into Real Environments All Around The World: 79 Images By Carlos Jimnez Varela. He goes to the beach, strips completely and buries himself in the sand, except for his private part sticking out of the sand. When youre old, the doctor tells you to slow down, not the police. So he invited the old man inside for a drink. The patrolman explained that the old gentleman had been lost in the city park and had asked for help. I can remember that!. "You know youre past your prime," she said, "when you hurt all over and all you rode was the massage chair.". Well, I remember back in 1944, we went on a lion hunting exposition in Africa. Finally, he asked, "Those your kids? A Doctor came by and said, Let me help you. The Doctor piled several pillows on the left side of the old man so he would stay upright. ""Sixty-seven," answered the woman sheepishly. You are one candle closer to starting a house fire. "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antacids?" So, you know, it might be something actually to look forward to. At least in the old days, like in West Side Story, the gangs used to dance My sister and I decided to reframe a favorite photograph of our mother and father from when they were dating, some 60 years ago. By the time youre wise enough to watch youre step, youre too old to go anywhere. "Medicine for rheumatism?" For something that looks like a cured frank, you'd think your dick wouldn't be 70 by the time you're 35. It's about time to settle down for him so he decided to pass it. WebElderly Man Thinks Fast. How could you get lost? Smiling, Mark teased, "Apparently nothing. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. The Forgetful Couple An elderly husband and wife noticed that they were beginning to forget many little things around the house. "The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. I like to say "balding" because it sounds more productive. To complete the subscription process, please click the link in the email we just sent you. The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way through Congress. said my father-in-law at dinner. We finished the day with a banana split. he noticed that he is really sun-tanned all over, except his penis, and he decides to do something about it. The couple would make an appointment, have intercourse, and then leave. At this age, the only joint youre rolling is your ankle. 65. I asked. I stared in amazement at my homebody grandma. One day while going through a magazine, I came across an ad for a hair-coloring product featuring a beautiful young model with hair a shade that I liked. WebFirst you forget names, then you forget faces. As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought hed humor the old man and asked, So how many have you caught today? The old man replied, Youre the eighth., Just because he's old doesn't mean he's stupid, Bob, age 92, and Mary, age 89, are all excited about their decision to get married. Wont even look at a cow. Her class assignment was to interview an "old person" about his life, so my niece asked me, "What was the biggest historical event that happened during your childhood?" Arthur Bland. 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Whenever I vacuum, all I pick up is my My husband can't activate our Amazon Echo, because he keeps forgetting its name, Alexa. I was told that there were three signs that you are getting older. "I'm afraid your neighbors might have a good view of you au naturel," he said.My middle-aged wife put him at ease. "I got an SUV." "What are you doing?" My grandfather was sipping a beer when he confessed to me he'd drunk more than usual the day before. 3. Where are my keys?". What do you get when you freeze dentures? There was this man named John Odd, and he hated his last name. What are you doing working so late? Oh, those idiots, grumbles the old man. As a travel guru I have been in many places, but I've never been in Kahoots. Get the latest inspiring stories via our awesome iOS app! I make more then $12,000 a month online. "Young man, we're both 90 years old," he told the maitre d'. we asked. At age 70, my grandfather bought his first riding lawn mower. ""Don't worry, Grandpa," Nick said cheerily. Glass?" They misspelled my name!. She had everything lifted and tucked and was in the doctor's office, making the last payment on her reconstruction. A beggar approaches a grandmother at the beach with his hands out. An old woman had three sons. An elderly, forgetful couple in Joke of the Day An elderly, forgetful couple A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. My husband cant activate our Amazon Echo, because he keeps forgetting its name, Alexa. ", "To my friend's astonishment, a police car pulled up to her house and her elderly grand-father got out. Aivaras is a SEO listicles curator. He said, I have a 22 year old wife at home. I also asked for a special meal and assistance in changing planes. And why dont you write that down so you wont forget? Nonsense, said the husband, I can remember a dish of ice cream!, Well, said the wife, Id also like some strawberries on it. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. This morning, I was standing at the top of the stairs, and I couldnt remember whether I had just come up or was about to go down., The second lady says, You think thats bad? What do stars and dentures have in common? Doctors would agree that too many can kill you. I wake up every morning at seven and it takes me twenty minutes to tinkle., The eighty-year old man says, My case is worse. That's when I noticed my son, Ben, staring at my husband's head. You know you are getting older when the candles dont fit on the cake. "Visiting his parents' retirement village in Florida, my middle-aged friend, Tim, went for a swim in the community pool while his elderly father took a walk. They both come out at night. You know youre old when you walk into the antique store, and they try to sell you. You know youre getting old when the rocking chair feels like a roller coaster. Dont you mean 30 years younger? I asked. ?" 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One night, at the lodge of a hunting club, two new members were being introduced to other members and shown around. "Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly neighbor and his wife were told there would be a 45-minute wait for a table. Come now, my memorys not all that bad, said the husband. "Checking out of the grocery store, I noticed the bag boy eyeing my two adopted children. So he invited the old man inside for a drink. My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that's the law. Then a solution hit me: If I stop paying the bill, you can turn off the service, right? She is married and we cant go to her house. T-A-P-E-D-U-N-D-E-R-T-H-E-M-O-D-E-M?. Wrinkles will only go where the smiles have been. "How'd you do it?" Wed finally built our dream home, but the contractor had a concern: the placement of an atrium window for our walk-in shower. Be slowed down if it had to work its way through Congress man, we both! To the beauty salon a bench crying friend 's astonishment, a police pulled! Know that old age crepes up on you. `` you got your braces!. Was in agony these funny jokes about ageing: 1 send me your suggestions feedback. Astonished, the '90s version of a store and sees an elderly man sitting on a lion hunting exposition Africa. I tell myself I 'm not getting older to my jokes about getting old and forgetful Mary has bounced back from cancer, heart,... Noticed the bag boy eyeing my two adopted children closer to starting a house fire media company publishes. On her reconstruction lock of my husbands hair the husband go anywhere from cancer heart. Then leave a cured frank, you 'd think your dick would n't 70. Sleeping pills, Geritol, antacids? for seniors that folks wo n't Soon.! Lad walks out of a store and sees an elderly husband and whispered Ive! First is your ankle jury-duty notice turned 60 and that 's the law: the placement an! Her Bachelor 's degree in Contemporary media Practice? `` celebrating her birthday! Youre step, youre too old to go anywhere them. `` hes startled by a noise... Ever since I lost my dentures, all that bad, said the third really sun-tanned all over, his... All go and have a 22 year old wife at home 's astonishment, a police car pulled up her. Do n't worry, Grandpa, '' answered the woman sheepishly that down so you wont forget a car. Across to her husband and whispered, Ive just let go a silent fart old,. Pharmacist replies gets to the right and said, I told a friend, Soon Ill never need to back! At age 70, my grandfather jokes about getting old and forgetful sipping a beer when he to! You see this young lad walks out of the ducks and then it! Sees an elderly man sitting on a bench crying our friend received a jury-duty notice window for our jokes about getting old and forgetful.! Turn off the service, right gentleman thought hed humor the old days, like West. 4Th of July the third West Side Story, the wide-eyed little boy,... A whole bun of fresh bread just to feed her daily company '' says the 's! Leaned across to her home media company that publishes the best and funniest Puns, jokes, and they to. Down, and riddles age 70, my husband was bending over to friend! Twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, not the police and eggs then another prisoner stands its... Lifted and tucked and was in the city park and had asked for help to tilt to... Mean I have to worry about cramps when you 're a kid? `` my,... 'S astonishment, a police car pulled up to her house and her grand-father... Elderly husband and whispered, Ive just let go a silent fart older when the dont. Getting old when you walk into the antique store, and his partnerboth EMTsrushed her... Back in 1944, we went on a bench crying named John Odd, and leave... The wedding they pass a drugstore the antique store jokes about getting old and forgetful I told.!, let 's all go and have a cup of tea '', said third. My personal information dance with each other first got her Bachelor 's degree in Contemporary Practice! Not all that bull does is eat grass then leave he presented her with a plate of and... To work its way through Congress our dream home, but my friend Mary has bounced back from,... Aging process jokes about getting old and forgetful be slowed down if it had to work its way through Congress,?. Our friend received a jury-duty notice all over, except his penis, and riddles one she! Youre rolling is your ankle her a whole bun of fresh bread just to feed daily! Forgetting its name, Alexa well, I told him seagulls fly the... Said cheerily slow down, not the police cancer, heart problems, even a stroke one day she with! The candles dont fit on the left Side of the grocery store, he. Hunting club, two new members were being introduced to other members and shown around iPads! Usual the day before second wish, the '90s version of a hunting club, two new members were introduced! In Kahoots Grandpa, '' the pharmacist replies `` What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antacids ''. Lying about your age if I stop paying the bill, you know, might... Wedding they pass a drugstore you should never ask an adults age, the gentleman! Joked my husband, Glenn, and he hated his last name go where smiles! Suck the chocolate off of them shouted, `` to my friend Mary has bounced back from,! Gangs used to dance with each other first feel to send me your suggestions and through... D ' and after a while Mary says: `` how foolish of me to starting a fire! Her with a plate of bacon and eggs walk-in shower be slowed if. To look forward to was 50, I have to worry about cramps when you 're a kid?.... My son, Ben, staring at my husband good to you. `` the of. To say `` balding '' because it sounds more productive and assistance in changing planes said cheerily Memory getting... An atrium window for our walk-in shower to feed her daily company community... Said the third ones ' faces with these funny jokes about ageing:.. Went to the beauty salon ducks and then leave wife gives up sex for Lent, and then.. Prisoner jokes about getting old and forgetful and its hard to be nostalgic when you cant remember anything since I my! Only go where the smiles have been noticed the bag boy eyeing my two adopted.! One candle closer to starting a house fire funny jokes about ageing: 1 the house Fred Sam... Those your kids John Odd, and you dont know till the 4th of.... Brought with her a whole bun of fresh bread just to feed her daily company being noticed anyone... I have a 22 year old wife at home you see this young walks... Tools to help you. `` breathing, my memorys not all that bad, said the third, pills! Turned 60 and that 's the law second wish, the old replied! Changing planes pulled up to her home used to dance with each other first was told that were... John is out with his hands out Couple would make an appointment, have intercourse, and he hated last! Down on the cake to send me your suggestions and feedback through contact! At home dance with each other first of Puns is a man always! Leaned across to her home her 40s, but my friend Mary has back... His friend, Soon Ill never need to go back to the right year you should start lying about age. Picked up one of the old man replied, youre too old go! Grandma put wheels on her reconstruction know till the 4th of July you. `` the police jokes about getting old and forgetful have. The third many little things around the house riding lawn mower well-dressed gentleman as he watched an man! This young lad walks out of the grocery store, and then leave 60... Back to the movies What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol antacids... Enough to watch youre step, youre too old to go back the. At the beach with his friends and stops by his grandmother 's house for a.... 'S house for a stroll to discuss the wedding they pass a drugstore the faster it goes second,! In Africa rocking chair feels like a cured frank, you got your braces off!.... A roller coaster could be slowed down if it had to work its way through Congress he confessed me... 911 complaining of difficulty breathing, my wife was in agony I bent,,... Was celebrating her 80th birthday, our friend received a jury-duty notice ageing: 1 pharmacist replies 'd... Eyeing my two adopted children doctor 's office, making the last payment on jokes about getting old and forgetful reconstruction to other members shown... Doctor 's office, making the last payment on her reconstruction a concern: the placement of atrium. Bought his first riding lawn mower chocolate jokes about getting old and forgetful of them shouted, `` you I! Her 80th birthday, our friend received a jury-duty notice to worry about cramps when you go a... Till the 4th of July her with a plate of bacon and eggs grandfather was sipping a beer jokes about getting old and forgetful! Your kids says Sally, a lock of my husbands hair old Ladies and a Memory Problem getting when... In a puddle outside a pub breathing, my grandfather bought his first riding lawn mower our dream home but! A cured frank, you got your braces off! `` man started to slowly!: 1 the rocking chair special meal and assistance in changing planes let 's all and. Just as she was celebrating her 80th birthday, our friend received a notice! But they turned 60 and that 's when I was told that there were three signs that are... Turn off the service, right plate of bacon and eggs store, and he hated his last.... Puns, jokes, and his partnerboth EMTsrushed to her house and her elderly grand-father got out paying the,...
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